The first week of football is great for two reasons. The first is that you get to watch 10-plus hours of football. I know I woke up at 7:00 in the morning because I was so freaking giddy to sit on the couch for 10 hours. It somehow seems ridiculous that I could get so excited to play an invalid for the day. The second reason is that suddenly you have real stats to compare and make educated guesses and bets for Week 2. Below are my guesses, with scores compiled by some miraculous mental operation that takes into account stats, injuries, the latest Vegas lines, and useless emotional allegiances.

Carolina Panthers (0-1) at Atlanta Falcons (1-0)

The Panthers will lose this game. The Falcons simply have too many weapons. I do not care if the Panthers defense held the Eagles to 85 passing yards in Week 1, they allowed 185 yards in a laugher. Panthers quarterback will redeem himself by not throwing four picks, but Falcons have a young quarterback looking for his own redemption after missing deep plays last week. I look for Michael Turner to make fantasy owners happy and for Ryan to spread the ball over the field in a 30-20 Falcons victory.

Minnesota Vikings (1-0) at Detroit Lions (0-1)

The Vikings were able to defeat the Browns easily in Week 1 and will repeat with another easy win over the Detroit Lions. I would not be surprised if the Lions yards allow totals (358 through the air and 157 on the ground) were supplanted. This is a good day to own Adrian Peterson. Lions quarterback Matthew Stafford will be driven into the ground repeatedly, though running back Kevin Smith might have a decent game. I look for another laugher in a 35-10 Vikings win.

Cincinnati Bengals (0-1) at Green Bay Packers (1-0)

The Cincinnati Bengal must have killed several Albatrosses that were thrown off by global warming and got caught on the team’s charter flights this preseason. I do not know how else to explain the Week 1 loss. The Week 2 loss will be much easier to explain. The Green Bay Packers are simply a much better team. The Packers will stuff Cedric Benson, reminding him of his days as running back with the Bears and put plenty of pressure on Carson Palmer. The Pack will roll on all cylinders on offense. The Pack win 33-14.

Houston Texans (0-1) at Tennessee Titans (0-1)

The Tennessee Titans will bounce back from the overtime loss against the Steelers with a strong game against the Houston Texans. The Texans will put up a fight though. The very fact that this is an intra-division game will keep the score close. I like Matt Schaub to throw a touchdown and Steve Slaton to run one in, but the Titans ground game will dominate as the Titans win 24-17.

Oakland Raiders (0-1) at Kansas City Chiefs (0-1)

I would give the Kansas City Chiefs the win if Matt Cassel was playing, but it appears he is still a week away from making his debut for K.C. The Raiders played with a surprisingly effective defense on Monday night against the Chargers. I still do not believe that the Raiders will turn things around this season. I think this game will be as dreadful as the Bengals-Broncos debacle last week. Still, Oakland has a stable full of running backs and should win 17-14.

New England Patriots (1-0) at New York Jets (1-0)

The New England Patriots looked less than godly against the Bills on Monday night and the New York Jets looked like they just might be a factor in the AFC East after Mark Sanchez’ performance against the Texans. The problem calling this game is that the Patriots might use the lack of godliness and the subsequent doubts as motivation. The other issue is that the Patriots secondary is still something I question. They held the Bills to 186 yards in the air, but is that because of the secondary or the three rookie offensive linemen of the Bills. The Jets have a great line, so this is really the first honest look at the New England pass defense. I say the Patriots win, but not big. Patriots win 24-20.

New Orleans Saints (1-0) at Philadelphia Eagles (1-0)

The Eagles looked amazing until McNabb busted some ribs on a gutsy play. The Saints looked amazing, but they were playing the Detroit Lions. This game comes down to Donovan and it appears he is out and Kevin Kolb will play behind center. The Saints should win, but with a more reasonable score, 24-20.

St. Louis Rams (0-1) at Washington Redskins (0-1)

The Washington Redskins seemed to put up a fight in New York and the St. Louis Rams looked pitiful in Seattle. The vaunted Redskins defensive front four looked like anything but spectacular and Jason Campbell continued his journey to a career as a back up quarterback. Still, the Rams are just too terrible to win. The Redskins win 21-14.

Arizona Cardinals (0-1) at Jacksonville Jaguars (0-1)

The Arizona Cardinals looked like they have contracted the Super Bowl loser funk after last week’s 20-16 loss to San Francisco and the Jaguars looked like a passable NFL team in that 14-12 loss to the Colts. I have to believe that the Cardinals will bounce back with a big win (assuming Warner, Boldin, and Breaston all play) and that the Jaguars were benefiting from another slow Indianapolis start. The Cards should stuff the line to stop Maurice Jones-Drew and try and force game-manager David Garrard to win the game. Arizona wins 27-20.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-1) at Buffalo Bills (0-1)

The Buffalo Bills should have won Week 1, but a late game fumble on a kickoff return gave Tom Brady the chance to play savior again. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers watched in horror as Tony Romo put up career passing numbers in their backyard and they allowed over 100 yards rushing. The Cowboys are questionable to even make the playoffs. This game goes to the Bills. They win with a balanced attack and Terrell Owen’s first touchdown catch of the season. The Bills win 24-17.

Seattle Seahawks (1-0) at San Francisco 49ers (1-0)

Both of these teams won in Week 1, but the 49ers had to rely a little more on luck and a postseason curse to win their game. The Seahawks were amazing, but against the St. Louis Rams. I am little worried that Hasselbeck relied on tight end John Carlson so often when throwing the ball, but not nearly as concerned that 49ers quarterback Shawn Hill’s best option is Isaac Bruce. Also Frank Gore averaged just 1.4 yards a carry. I do not care how improved the San Francisco defense is, there is just too much in the Seahawks favor here. Seattle wins 24-17.

Pittsburgh Steelers (1-0) at Chicago Bears (0-1)

Jay Cutler needs to come back with a huge game to stop his number of detractors in Chicago from growing. This alone makes him dangerous to the Steelers, especially now that they are missing safety Troy Polamalu. The Bears are without injured Brian Urlacher for the rest of the season and must play a Steelers team that displayed an impressive passing game in their 13-10 win. I say that the Steelers try and return to the running game, testing the Bears front seven and being surprised when they realize the Bears can still stop the run. Cutler shows up, proves he is like a young Brett Favre and pulls out a victory. Bears win 24-20.

Baltimore Ravens (1-0) at San Diego Chargers (1-0)

LaDainian Tomlinson is out for the Chargers and San Diego barely beat the Raiders. The Ravens look good in Week 1. Despite giving up 24 points, they allowed just 188 total yards. True, they were playing the Chiefs, but this team looks like they could be something special with an actual offense to go with the defense. I think the Ravens will stop the run and bother Rivers as he tries to single-handedly lead the Chargers to victory. Flacco will show a little more accuracy and Ray Rice will have another great game. Ravens win 27-23

Cleveland Browns (0-1) at Denver Broncos (1-0)

This will be close; however, the game will either be a low-scoring suckfest or defense-free score-athon. Given that neither quarterback is particularly noted for having the arm and accuracy to throw back-to-back 40-yard strikes, I am inclined to believe that this game ends closer to zero. I think the Browns walk away with a 17-14 victory simply because Brady Quinn is a little more dynamic than Kyle Orton.

New York Giants (1-0) at Dallas Cowboys (1-0)

The Cowboys offense definitely has more potential to be explosive than the more tepid balance offense of the Giants. The difference in this game is the defense. By all accounts, when Byron Leftwich is able to throw for 276 yards and two running backs with 10 plus carries average more than 5 yards a carry against you have a problem. The Cowboys problem will be stopping the Giants from putting up even better numbers. I like the Giants to win this Cowboys home opener 24-20. The only reason the point margin is not larger is that this is a rivalry game at the Cowboys’ home.

Indianapolis Colts (1-0) at Miami Dolphins (0-1)

The Colts won quite unimpressively against Jacksonville. When Manning throws for more than 300 yards you should have more than 14 points. The Dolphins played a pretty impressive brand of run defense against the Falcons. The only problem is that the passing defense’s numbers are a mirage augmented by Ryan’s deep ball accuracy issues. I want to call for a Dolphins upset, but The Colts defense should be able to handle the wildcat and short field presented by Chad Pennington at quarterback. I also still believe Peyton Manning can make any receiver look good. The Vegas line has this at a mere 3 points in Indy’s favor. I expect this is because it is a Monday night game in Miami, but I feel like the Colts will put on an offensive show. Colts win big 35-10.

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