This is how serious the rest of the globe takes the World Cup. After the Nigerian “Super Eagles” failed to win a single match in round robin competition for the third straight World Cup competition, President Goodluck Jonathan banned the national team from playing for the next two seasons.

This is in stark contrast to the majority of Americans here who simply switched the channel to see if that Wimbledon match was still going. Now, this is causing headlines in the international sports scene since FIFA prohibits nation’s governments from interfering with national soccer federations. The organization is threatening to bar any Nigerian football club from international competition.

I take two lessons from this. First, the United States needs to adopt some kind of a nickname. It is a shame “Super Eagles” is already taken, but I am sure we can come up with something, perhaps “Revere’s Riders”, “All Suburbanites”, or “Not Too Bad For Being The, At Best, Fifth Most Popular Sport Here-s”.

Second, we need more government officials with executive powers to insert themselves into the sports culture. Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa could ban the Clippers from the Staples Center and any other venue within city limits, possibly resulting in finally convincing Donald Sterling to sell the club to David Geffen.

New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg could give the Mets to New Jersey once the Nets move to Brooklyn. Maybe, if the Knicks fail to woo LeBron, he could banish the Knicks south instead.

Chicago Mayor Richard Daley could invoke an executive order for the Cubs to win a World Series in the next five seasons or be reallocated to Gary across the state line in Indiana. Then, when the team fails, at least fans with Cubs tickets could stop off at the Horseshoe Casino in their drunken stupor to jumpstart the Northwest Indiana’s economy.

Would this be an abuse of executive power? Yes, but it could be an abuse the fans could really get behind.